After The Storm

Feeling Overwhelmed. 

"And there will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears. And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears. Get over your hill and see what you find there, with grace in your heart and flowers in your hair."

-After The Storm, Mumford & Sons 

Hello Lovelies. I'm Jordan Nicole :) Have you ever had one of those days or weeks or months where things are just hard? Something is happening in your life that is on your mind no matter what you are doing, and it makes you feel as if you aren't fully doing anything you attempt to. Well I have been having one of those months. Distraction after distraction is popping up in my life. Not distractions such as Netflix. I am talking about distractions that are serious and I am drowning in all of the effort I am having to put into just walking out the door lately. There is so much happening that doing my daily tasks is just daunting. Sitting in class or being at work is a welcome distraction but it is also hard to focus on what I am doing. I usually try to only put positive energy out into the world because I feel like there is enough negative energy out there without my contributing to it, but things have just been hard lately. Has anyone else been in this place? I know that things get hard for everyone but something about the way I am feeling is having the side effect of making me feel alone. Even when I talk about the things happen in my life, I still feel like I am just not making any sense to anyone. That's when I can talk to someone about it. I don't really like to tell people about problems I am having because I know that they have their own problems and I don't want to burden them with mine as well. In the grand scheme of things my problems aren't even that big. I know that. It's just that they are consuming my thoughts and my time. I was sick for entire week this month and it just made me feel stretched thin trying to get everything done. The hardest thing right now is that my dad might be sick and due to problems with tests and with scheduling we have been waiting to find out what is wrong for weeks. We know that the answer might not be good, which is hard enough to handle but when you add in this element of just sitting around and waiting, it is nearly unbearable. One of my favorite quotes is "And if you can't say yes, answer anyway. Because I'd rather live with the answer than die with the question." because I ultimately would rather know, even if it isn't what I want to hear. I don't want my dad to be sick but if he is then I want to know. I want to know what we can do moving forward and then start working towards a solution. I don't like sitting around with no control over the situation. I worry so much. I also recently found out that one of my dearest friends is moving to another state in the fall. I am so used to having him here with me and going through life together that when I heard the news I just cried. It was a release of all of the things I have been bottling up but it also was just out of sadness for losing the current dynamic we have together. I have also been having problems in the dating area, which is all new to me. I've been single for four years and jumping into the dating pool has proven to be difficult. It isn't the biggest problem ever but adding it into my life when I am already spread so thin is just making it seem like no relationship is worth it. I know that all of these things might seem very trivial to you but they have just been making my life feel out of control. I have just been so busy and then adding all of these things that I can't get off my mind to the equation has been making me feel so overwhelmed. 

I know that this isn't my typical kind of post but I started this blog as an outlet for expressing myself and I have just been feeling so overwhelmed, lost, and alone that I wanted to use this space to express all of that. I think I will feel better if I just release some of my thoughts out into the world and try to clear my mind a bit. If you are feeling this way now or ever have I think that a great thing to keep in mind is that the best moments in your life wouldn't seem nearly as wonderful if you had never experienced difficult times. It is all a part of your story and will ultimately lead you toward where you are supposed to be going.